When I was a little kid I looked up to people in their thirties and thought they looked so old, and that they had everything together. I just assumed they knew everything, and understood how all this worked. By “all this” I mean life. Then I became a teenager, and thought I knew everything and adults knew nothing. I slowly progressed from there.

In my twenties I started realizing that I didn’t know as much as I thought I did, and even all the things I thought I knew so well were way more complex than I’d ever realized. It took most of my twenties for me to learn that things are not black and white, and there is rarely such a thing as a simple answer to a big life question.

These days, I look down at the little kids looking up at me assuming I have all the answers, but now I have the insider’s view. How surreal. How crazy. How freaky. And as weird as it feels, I realize all the adults I looked up to probably felt the exact same way I do now. “I don’t know anything, kid. But definitely more than you. So what does that say about us?”

I turned 31 today. Though I’m still working out the kinks of this season of life, and still not exactly happy with where I am, I am happy to have lived these 31 years. I am grateful for the experiences I’ve had so far. In some ways I feel like a cat on my fifth or sixth life. I’m ready for the next one.

I’ve been through some pretty amazing stuff. I’ve also seen my fair share of heartache; all par for the course. Good and bad, I don’t think I’d trade any of the moments in life for anything else, because I realize those moments are the things that are used to make me. And even when some of those moments don’t make sense at a certain point, I know they will all come together at some point and I will be like, “Ah! THAT‘s why!” and I’m cool with that.

All this to say, I’m grateful to be here, and I’m thankful for all the people who have played a role, no matter how “big” or “small”, in helping form, shape, mould, and panel beat me into the version of me I am today. I’m looking forward to seeing what’s next, and I’m excited to be in it with all of you. And by “it” I mean life. Thanks!


4 Responses to Grateful…

  1. the older I get, the less I feel I really understand. I just hope I get to live a lot longer so I can keep wondering!

  2. wanga says:

    how time flies, I can’t believe we’re talking about being in our 30s Ryan!

  3. mangwane says:

    a belated happy birthday to you mhlobo wam. your post reminds me of the song “for every mountain” (the version sung by Kelly Price on Youtube-CHECK IT OUT!).

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