Thoughts of Brown

My heart hurts. That sounds pretty dramatic but it is the best way to describe how I feel today after spending time with a twelve year old boy who I will call Lee (not his real name). For those of you that don’t know, apart from the work I do with the children living on the streets, I also teach Life Orientation in a grade six class of a small school in Woodstock (an immediate suburb of Cape Town CBD). Over the few years that I have been involved in the school I have also done individual counseling and work with specific students that are highlighted by the teachers as “problematic” or “troubled”. That is how I met Lee.

Last year the school was having a number of problems with Lee. He absconded quite often and when he was at school he was unruly and acted out the majority of the time. He had a short temper and would explode at the slightest provocation of a teacher or another student. He would frequently become aggressive and vulgar with other students, yet seemed to have leadership qualities that would cause other students to follow him, mostly in defiant behavior. The school asked me to meet with Lee and try and “get to him”. Unfortunately, I only got to meet with him, formally, one or two times because I go in on Mondays and that seemed to be his “day off”. But I did study up on his case and would occasionally get to casually speak to him out on the playground.

Lee was born to a single mother. His dad is currently in jail, and I believe is involved in gangster activities. When Lee was about three years old his mother decided she wanted “nothing to do with him”, a convenient form of post-contraception that is all too common in the world today. His grandmother grudgingly took him in, but it was apparently clear from the beginning that she resented having to do so because he was merely a “distraction” to her partying way of life. She has a boyfriend that is mean to Lee, and she blames Lee for any argument that her boyfriend starts with him. They both drink heavily and are abusive to Lee. So last year seeing that little eleven year old boy, so full of anger, hurt and pain, feeling like nobody “wants” him, it was no wonder to me as to why he acted out in the way he did.

This year the school decided that they could not afford to take him because of his negative influence on other students. This Monday the principal spoke with me about Lee and said that he is losing sleep thinking about him. He has had many people approach him who have seen Lee in Woodstock and they report back all sorts of negative stories and situations they have seen Lee in. The principal does not have any contact details for Lee but has heard that he is not living with his grandmother anymore. He asked me to see if I saw him and try and speak to him and find out “where he is at”. So when I saw Lee sitting on main road Woodstock today I nearly slammed on my breaks, did a u-turn and went to speak to him.

Lee seemed excited to see me as I walked up to him. I sat and chatted with him for a while and he explained that he is having trouble getting transferred to a new school because the old school has not given his release papers to him. I asked him about where he is staying now and he told me he was staying with his auntie. I asked if I could go with him to visit her and he seemed eager to the possibility and so we began walking to her house. On the way there he told me, “She is not my real auntie. She is just looking after me and lets me stay with her. She will tell you about it.” We walked down into the “rougher” part of Woodstock, near Gympie Street (for those of you that are familiar with Woodstock) and approached a dilapidated house. He told me he would call her and entered into the house. A few minutes later out came a lady who warmly invited me in.

At first glance, she looked like a character out of a movie. I know it is not good to judge a book by its cover, but if I were casting for a movie and needed someone to play a “tough gangster prostitute”, she would have the part. She is as thin as a skeleton, full of tattoos, has a complete set of gold teeth, and was wielding a knife as she walked to the door. She even had some word tattooed on her knuckles, which you don’t see all that often on females. She immediately noticed and admired my body art and I realized that my tattoos in those situations have stronger credibility than my social work degree from U.C.T. After asking me about my tattoo artist she began by saying, “I will just be honest, I used to deal drugs but I am not involved with that anymore.”

She told me that her daughter, who was sitting on the other side of the room, had met Lee in Woodstock and noticed that he was sleeping in a broken down car, because his grandmother couldn’t “handle him anymore”. She felt pity for him and took him in. She told me about how she treats him as one of her own and about her efforts of trying to get him in another school and even how she had already bought him school clothes. I could see that though this might not be the most ideal of living situations for Lee, at least someone showed interest in him and care for him, and he seemed to be eating it up. Besides, it is definitely a step up from living alone in a broken down car, at the age of twelve. I informed the auntie that I would speak to the principal and would help them get Lee back in school. She was thrilled. After our chat with “his auntie” Lee walked me back to my car.

On the way he told me about a case that he now has against him for stabbing another youngster. As he spoke I could see the fear, hurt, pain, and heart ache in his eyes; not just about the court case, but about everything: his entire life. Before I left, I put my hand on his shoulder and looked him deep in the eyes and said, “I know it is not easy! But you have to understand, whatever your mother and grandmother have done or are doing, really and truly has nothing to do with you! No matter what they say! You are just a kid and you should not have to live through the things that you have and they are supposed to look after and care for you no matter what! It is not your fault, and I understand why you act out in school the way you do, but it also doesn’t excuse it. You have the choice to use these things that you have been through as an excuse to go on in the way you are now, or you can decide to walk a different path, and prove everybody wrong! I believe in you and I think you are a great kid, and I want to try and support you in whatever way I can. Do you understand?”

He looked at me with tears welling up in his eyes and nodded his head yes. He was trying hard not to show emotion because it is not beneficial to do so in that part of main road Woodstock. But I could see that he heard me and my words were sinking into his heart. It is so sad to see a kid that literally has no one in the world that is on his side. His own family does not want anything to do with him, and that is no secret to him or anyone else. When I look at him I just see a little hurting kid that just wants to be loved and merely have a place where he belongs. Unfortunately, in that part of Woodstock there are plenty of places to find belonging but majority of them are unsuitable places for a kid to “belong”. In that particular part of Woodstock, for every one person there is that is willing to take in a kid like Lee for all the “right” reasons, there are at least fifty more that are willing to take him in for all the wrong reasons. Lee is just another example to me of a kid that is in a situation, out of his control and yet totally unfair!

One thing I have realized over the years is that Christians are most often terrified of questions. I think we frequently get caught up in trying to defend our “faith” and yes, even defend God Himself. I have also noticed the stronger a person’s belief in God is, based on their personal experiences with Him, the less intimidated they are with questions, but people who are a wee bit shaky in their faith, whether they admit it or not, are thrown off by questions. I think it is important to try and understand God and His ways as much as possible, but I am also very aware that in this world we are bound by certain parameters that make understanding the fullness of eternal things very difficult! I feel there are some questions that do not have answers, at least for now, and I am ok with that.

But I appreciate people who are not afraid to ask difficult questions, and even more so when there are no apparent answers to those questions. I have seen how Christians get spooked by things like the Da Vinci Code because it challenges their beliefs. I appreciate a guy like Donald Miller who can say, “Sooner or later you just figure out there are some guys who don’t believe in God and they can prove He doesn’t exist, and some other guys who do believe in God and they can prove He does exist, and the argument stopped being about God a long time ago and now it’s about who is smarter, and honestly I don’t care.” (Blue Like Jazz) I see the need for simple faith and trust, but at the same time I see the need for questions, or at least the need to not be intimidated by other people’s questions.

I recently watched a documentary by Bill Maher called Religulous. It is a film that has caused a pretty, pretty big stir in Christian circles! He is basically saying there is no need for religion and went around trying to make people from all different religions look stupid for their beliefs. I must admit, I sat through it, enjoyed it from an entertainment perspective, and saw the validity in many of Bill’s questions. Does that mean I agree with him? Not at all. But I could see how much of his premise of the film was built on past hurts from experiences with certain religions, and, as I said, he asked some pretty good questions. He is just as dead set in his opinion that God does not exist and there is no need for religion, as we should be in our belief that God does exist. But I guess we easily get worked up if someone challenges us head on like that.

I think the important thing to remember is we are trying to grasp and grapple with eternal things; things that do not have the context and boundaries of this world that we know. So, it is understandable that we might get confused trying to understand these eternal things through the size, shape, time, color and earthly context which we know. So it is even more understandable that a complete “outsider” would find these things totally absurd! I often even wonder if it was frustrating for Jesus, coming from an eternal realm, to be wrapped in flesh and have to try and explain the Kingdom of God in the context of what humans know and experience. What a task! Good thing He was all man AND all God at the same time! That probably came in handy. But reading about Jesus’ time on earth you often read about the disciples just “not getting” the things He was often explaining to them. Even when they saw it with their own eyes! But Jesus was very patient with them.

All of this to say, I think the first, and most important question to ask should be directed at our self: What do I believe and how deeply do I believe it? (Ok, I guess that was two questions but I put it in one sentence.) Because the answer to that question will gauge how secure we are in asking other questions, and receiving other people’s questions. I have a strong faith in God and He has been involved in my life in a way that I could never be able to deny his existence! So it doesn’t matter what questions come my way, even if I do not know the answers, they will not shake that knowledge I have in, and of, Him. And because I am not a “child” that is insecure in my relationship with my Father, it allows me to be more secure in Him, and in the world, when questions are thrown my way. I don’t have to get defensive or upset, because I feel safe in my belief in Him.

I honestly can’t imagine God being scared of questions either. I mean, He is the creator of the universe and all. So I also think that we should not be afraid to ask Him questions, keeping in mind that we should not look for answers in “our” way. Like those people that ask you something and are only waiting for the response they want to hear. I like Chris Rice’s words in one of his songs, “God if you’re there I wish you’d show me and God if you care then I need you to know me. I hope you don’t mind me askin’ the questions but I figure you’re big enough; I figure you’re big enough.” (Big Enough) We just have to come to a point where we realize that God is big enough for our questions, and once we truly have trust and faith in His “size”, then we also do not have to be frightened by questions, of our own, and those of others. And other times we just have to be ok with simple faith like a child, not need answers for everything.

I came into the Kingdom of God questioning everything. Not because I was trying to disprove anything, but as a curious 16 year old, eager to learn about this God that had come into a relationship with, I was merely inquisitive as to where many of the Christian traditions and rituals came from. I would often naively ask, “Is this something God told us to do, or just something humans made up?” and I know that question in my heart was not coming from a place of arrogance or rebellion, but it was truly my young mind trying to wrap itself around all the new “things of God” that I was seeing and experiencing. Some Christians responded to my questions better than others.

For instance, I remember being slightly confused by the ritual of communion. I remember reading about the last supper and would try and picture what it must have been like on that evening. I can’t even begin to imagine the emotion and nostalgia that must have hung thick in the air. These were people that had literally walked, traveled, eaten, ministered, served, laughed, cried, and lived with Jesus on a daily basis for about three years, and now, He was telling them that he had to be killed, and that, in fact, one of the people with which He had walked so closely would be the one to betray Him, but He must do it, and that meal before them would literally be the last meal they shared together. Heavy stuff!

As I read the text I would try and put myself in the shoes of one of the disciples. I think when Jesus lifted up a piece of bread and said, “This is my body…” I would have leaned over to the guy sitting next to me and said, “Psssst! What is He talking about?!”. I think that might have been a little too profound for my small brain! But one thing that I think I would have taken away from that experience were His words, “Every time you do this, do it in remembrance of me.” So I am sure after that every time me and the disciples were just kicking back and sharing a meal together, there would be a certain since of reminiscence in the air, much like the evening of the last supper, as I imagine it. I do not think we would have had to create opportunities to break bread together and drink a little wine, but I think it would have just naturally happened, probably on a daily basis, us being close, and friends and all; but I guarantee that whenever we did do it, we would definitely remember our good friend and teacher Jesus.

As a young Christian, I remember finding the ritual of communion a bit strange: once a month, we would pass around little pieces of dry, stale crackers, and little shot glasses of grape juice, and then we would “have communion together”. It was never quite how I envisioned the last supper being. I was also confused because I understood the word communion to have more to do with relationships and company than a specific ritual or act. The New Penguin Dictionary defines communion as “intimate fellowship or rapport”. I was also confused about how, often after church, we would go out and eat, which were situations more like how I pictured the last supper, but there was rarely any mention of us doing that in remembrance of Jesus. I remember asking an older Christian about it:

Me: Why do we use little, stale crackers and shot glasses of grape juice for communion?

Old Christian: Because they are symbols of the blood and body of Jesus.

Me: Yeah I know, but wasn’t the last supper, in context of those days, just a pretty normal meal of those times? And seeing that wine and bread are not really staples in our diet around these parts, why don’t we just do it over a hamburger and coke or something?

Old Christian: Well, because that is just not the way we do it. Communion is a sacred time where we have to be reverent, and Jesus used wine and bread as a symbol of His blood and body, so we do too.

(I wanted to probe a little more about how a little shooter of grape juice was wine, but I didn’t want to push my luck and had more questions to ask.)

Me: Ok…so, if Jesus said EVERY TIME you do this, do it in remembrance of me, then why do we only do it once a month?

Old Christian: Well…uh, because…that’s just the way we have always done it.

Me: Yeah, but why?

Old Christian: (becoming a little annoyed and defensive) Because that’s just the way things have always been done and that’s the way we do it now.

Me: Ok. Thanks! (not satisfied in the least but trying to act appreciative)

I realized that humans feel safe within rituals and traditions. We like the “known” and are not always comfortable when those things are challenged. I feel that asking questions is very important. They should come from a true and humble place, but I believe it is good to question things. If we are doing things merely because “that’s just the way we have always done it”, have they not lost their meaning a bit? I think the important thing is to be open to read God’s word and be able to translate those truths and ways of honoring Him into our modern, everyday life. I am not saying the way people do communion is “wrong”, and I think it is an important ritual to maintain. However, what I am saying is that when we get to the point of just doing things “because we have always done them that way”, we should take a minute to really question, take stock, and reevaluate why we do it, and maybe even see how we can adapt it to our modern day way of life, making that act even more meaningful and relevant to us today.

I am pretty blown away right now! I just stumbled upon some pretty disturbing websites belonging to Fred Phelps and Westboro Baptist Church. I understand this is a very small, select group of people that are terribly misrepresenting God, Christianity and pretty much anything and everything that has to do with both of the two, but i can’t helped but feel deeply disturbed. At first i actually thought it was a joke, but the more i read the more i realised that these people are for real! If you are in the mood for some heavy reading visit one of their websites. The one that i first stumbled upon was God Hates America. They say that God Hates America, Americans will end up eating their babies, they pray for more dead U.S. soldiers, they will not pray for America, “Fags” and all “Fag enablers” are going straight to hell, Obama is the Antichrist, God doesn’t love everyone, and on and on with all kinds of other hate. And judging by their contact page they are not looking into hearing any other views. Here’s a taste from their contact page:

“We are not really interested in a dialogue with you demon-posessed perverts. We are not out to change your minds, win your soul to Jesus, agree to disagree, find common ground upon which to build a meaningful long-term relationship, or any other of your euphemisms for compromising in our stance on the Word of God. If your question is answered in the FAQ, don’t expect a reply. If your question is already answered in one of our blogs, don’t expect a response. If your message is a tirade of childish nonsense or full of profanity, don’t expect that your message will even be read. For those of you who do get a reply, if you don’t like what we have to say, deal with it. We aren’t here to make you happy, we’re here to deliver a message.
Oh, and Pastor Phelps doesn’t do email. If one of us thinks that your message was unique or interesting enough to pass on to him, he’ll get it, but since less than .01% of all messages received fit that category, don’t expect him to see, much less respond to your drivel.
Thanks for writing!”

WOW!!!!!!!!!!

God is Holy, All Powerful, Almighty, and yet Loving, and full of Grace. I think this is lays the foundation for one of the most difficult struggles for a believer. We are called to live a life that is set apart, holy and acceptable to God, yet we are also expected to not be bound by law and live lives of freedom, full of grace and love. At a first glance, I think especially for nonbelievers, this may cause God to come off as schizophrenic, and Christians are also often viewed in the same light. Over the years I have learned that God in fact does not have a split personality, and these two characteristics of Him go hand in hand, but often in our journey to understand and follow Him we struggle to find middle ground between these two traits. In my experience, I have seen that it is common for believers to choose one “side” or the other, either living a life trying to please a Holy and demanding God, or living a life of grace, attempting to be free from the law. The church as a whole therefore comes off as a ridiculous seesaw as the right and left wingers take their sides, and exchange their blows.

Unfortunately, one without the other leads to an incomplete Christian lifestyle. I look at my own personal journey with this particular scuffle between opposing poles and I see that I am constantly learning what it means to live “in” the world, but not “of” it, and yet remain relevant and loving to others living alongside me. I have seen how, at different points in my life, I have lived on both sides of the extremes, and though I feel that I have found some sort of a “middle ground”, it is a daily struggle and effort to be there.

For instance, when I first became a Christian I was truly and radically transformed! I saw many ways that I was living in sin and because I had met a God that had truly changed my life I did my very best to leave those things behind. I must admit restructuring my sinful habits and thoughts was a pleasure at the time and I did not feel an enormous “pressure” to do so, I merely wanted to. But I do see how as a zealous, young believer I went to a total extreme. In not knowing how to properly “integrate” my old life with the new, I basically cut off all of the old in order to try and get firm footing in this new way of life I had discovered. I quit smoking, drinking, smoking weed, lying, stealing, and other obvious things that I felt were sinful. I tried to work on my sarcasm. I cut myself off from all of my “old” friends that I felt might “bring me down”. At one point I even stopped watching television and movies that did not have to do with God, and I would not listen to any “secular” music.

Looking back, I do not regret these decisions, and I do think they were necessary for me to learn what it meant to serve God, after 16 years of serving myself, but I also see how it limited my interaction with other people living in the world around me. I was definitely not “of” the world, but it was getting to the point where I was also not “in” it! It became more and more difficult to relate to others that were in fact living in the world, the very people that I was also called to love and lead to God. I know I came off as self righteous to many. If you want proof just ask my step dad about my reaction to him playing Bob Marley for my little baby (at the time) brother Eli. But time went on, my journey continued, and I began to see the importance of grace and love, and not only being bound by certain rules and regulations.

Fast forward a little bit…I found myself living, and working amongst hardened youth who make the streets of downtown Cape Town their home. I saw that in order to make a true and lasting impact in their lives I would need to live the gospel rather than preach it. I saw how many people passed through their lives, gave their input and opinions, and then went about their way. I saw the need to walk alongside them and attempt to let my actions speak louder than my words. I saw how these children have been hurt by so many Christians who tell them they are “wrong, bad, sinful, going to hell” and so on and yet never really offered an alternative for them. So through the years of living and working amongst these children, I would say there were definitely times when I went to the other extreme, where I put grace far above the hatred that I should feel for sin. At times, I came off equally self righteous as I did before, but this time I was sitting on the opposite wing (the left rather than the right), and my judgments were mostly aimed at Christians who I felt were judgmental and hypocritical. I realized that way of life is equally undesirable.

I now find myself somewhere in the middle, but definitely not perfectly smack dab in the center, and often leaning to one side or the other, and usually towards the left. Honestly, I do not think we will ever get it perfect. As a matter of fact, I am sure that we won’t! But I do not think that should stop us from trying. One of the most helpful compasses in my own personal journey was reading how Jesus responded when He was asked what the most important commandment is. Jesus said, “First in importance is, ‘Listen Israel: The Lord your God is one; so love the Lord God with all your passion and prayer and intelligence and energy.’ And here is the second: ‘Love others as well as you love yourself.’ There is no other commandment that ranks with these. (Mark 12:29-31 – The Message)

I think it is interesting that when He was asked what the most important commandment (singular) is, He replied by giving two: Love God & Love others. For me, this is a answer to our predicament, though not a once off solution. If we love God in the way we are supposed to, we will most likely live lives that are pleasing to Him and stay away from things that push us further away from Him, but if we follow that up with the priority of loving others, we will be forced to live lives of acceptance and grace. We do not have the choice to choose one or the other. We can’t live isolated and totally separated lives that end up coming off as self righteous and judgmental towards others. But we equally cannot afford to live a life in service to others, neglecting that our first priority should be to love God.

I think Paul really summed it up nicely in his letter to the Galatians, Let me put this question to you: How did your new life begin? Was it by working your heads off to please God? Or was it by responding to God’s Message to you? Are you going to continue in this craziness? For only crazy people would think they could complete by their own efforts what was begun by God…Christ has set us free to live a free life. So take your stand! Never again let anyone put a harness of slavery on you…It is absolutely clear that God has called you to a free life. Just make sure that you don’t use this freedom as an excuse to do whatever you want to do and destroy your freedom. Rather use your freedom to serve one another in love; that’s how freedom grows. For everything we know about God’s word is summed up in a single sentence: Love others as you love yourself. That’s an act of true freedom. If you bite and ravage each other, watch out – in no time at all you will be annihilating each other, and where will your precious freedom be then? (Galatians 3:3-4, 5:1, 5:13-15 – The Message)

I think true freedom is somewhere in the middle!

Sometimes I wonder if we as Christians lie to ourselves about what it really and truly means to be a Christian; to follow Christ in the true meaning of His message and legacy. I have an American friend who lives here in Cape Town. She loves God and is a wonderful artist. But one thing that is very disturbing to me about her is she is seemingly misunderstood by friends, family, and others that she is connected to back in the States. She feels called to Cape Town for the time being. She volunteers at a home for young men and gives countless hours of her time and energy in service to them. She creates beautiful art. But to many American Christians she is seen as “irresponsible”.

This is probably because we both come from one of the wealthiest countries in the world; a place where the “American Dream” is still alive and kicking. People work their entire lives to get good educations, which lead to well paying jobs, which leads to being “successful”. This success is often gauged on material stuff: a big house, a nice car (or two), all kinds of appliances, televisions, YMCA memberships, lots of money and loads and loads of stuff…throw in the white picket fence, a faithful dog and two-point-something kids and you have the American Dream. The country we come from has individual States that have a higher Gross Domestic Product than whole countries! For interest sake, I come from Tennessee, which has a Gross Domestic Product similar to that of Iran. No one would argue the fact that Americans are hard workers and are very successful!

Ironically, maybe only to me, America also views itself as a “Christian Nation”. A statement of faith, “In God We Trust” is written on the notes of the American currency to this day! For me, that is an in-your-face example of how the culture of striving to be materially successful is often intertwined with Christian beliefs in America. It is in this environment that the “prosperity message” was birthed; “God wants us to live life abundantly and the more you have, the better you make Him look”. I am not saying that every American Christian is wrong, or that every American Christian is striving to be rich. But I am saying that being materially wealthy is an extremely common quality found in many American believers. So it makes since that someone who challenges that lifestyle would not be all that well received or understood, and that person would, in turn, probably receive a bit of flack from friends, family, and his or her church.

After a difficult visit to the States my friend wrote something on an airline napkin on the plane ride back to South Africa. She later created a piece of art in which she beautifully painted her words to a canvas. One day I saw it hanging on her wall and I was moved by it. I could feel the pain in her words, but also the hope and dreams with which they were laced. I asked her if she would write it down for me and she did. Here are her words,

“I want to see life in its raw form. I want to be an artist here, to create meaning that deals with the messiness of the world. I want to be a part of something that matters. I want to be transformed. I want to be fully here. I want to dive deeply with integrity. I want to stop treading mindless so called necessities and breathe. I want to live boldly, value the process and enjoy the mess. I want to seek truth, seep joy, to reflect light. I want to be free.”

These words are beautiful to me. What is equally beautiful is to see her living these things out on a daily basis. She is doing just what she wants to do! She is in the place she is supposed to be. She is impacting people and communities around her. And she is being faithful to serve God and others. I guess I can’t expect someone who lives a totally different life, with totally different values, in a totally different part of the globe, to truly understand my friend and embrace the life that she lives. But I wish they could. I can only imagine what this world would be like if people were not held down by expectations of family, friends, and society; if people stepped out of the comfort that they know to live a freeing life in service to others and not in service to their mortgages. I guess this stepping out can look irresponsible to some, but I am reminded of other pillars of the Christian faith that did the same.

I think of one man in particular. A man who did not even get started with what he was called to do until the age of 30. A man that had no mortgage to pay because he had no home to speak of. A man that had very few material possessions that we know of; namely the clothes on his back. A man who spent much of his time just “hanging out” with his friends and other people that crossed his path. A man that was never married and never had any children. A man that had no education that we know about. A man that was known to hang out with prostitutes, beggars, sick, poor and other undesirable characters. A man that lived a totally non-materialistic life, striving to bring glory to the Father in all that he did, and knowing that his wealth was in eternal things. A man that lived a totally radical life, and was eventually killed for it. I guess by now you know who I am speaking about.

What is difficult for me to understand is, if this is the man we say we all follow, then why is my friend’s lifestyle so “out of the ordinary” and looked down upon. Why is this type of lifestyle not the “norm”?

People are probably sick and tired of hearing my “reasons” as to why it is inappropriate for children to be allowed to live on the streets! Well, i actually don’t care!! I am sick and tired of children being allowed to live on the streets. Today i just had a simple yet eerie reminder of how vulnerable children living on the streets are to all types of things; especially when it comes to tourists. These children are in the public eye. They are always there. They are easily accessible. Adults use them for all types of things, and because these children need money most of the time, they have become accustomed to doing these “all types of things”. They are probably the most accessible yet vulnerable members of society. This is commonly known by tourists, and members of the public, and they use it for their advantage.

So what happened today was really all that big of a deal. It was just more of a reminder of what i just spoke about; that these children are vulnerable and easily accessible to all types of people that “make use” of them for all types of things. I was online and i was googling information about “street children”. On a bit of a side note, i visited India in early 2000 for three months, and made friends with many children living on the streets of different cities I visited. One place where i made many little friends was Calcutta, and specifically with the children living on Sudder Street (a very touristy area). So today when i was googling information about “street children”, i decided to narrow my search to “street children sudder street”. I did a google image search. There were a few pictures of Sudder Street but no kids that i recognized and so i decided to try narrowing it a bit more and adding in a child’s name that i remembered. I went with Israel, one of the kids i became closer with, and mostly because it was easy to spell.

“street children Sudder Street Israel”. To my surprise, the first two pictures that came up were actual pictures of the kid that i had hung out with over nine years ago! One picture he was by himself, smiling, and leaning up against a taxi. In the other picture he was with a group of other kids i remembered. They were just pictures in someones flicker photo bucket. Probably someone like me who made friends with the kid and took their pictures. It is really not all that big of a deal i guess, but it left me with kind of an eerie feeling. I mean, the pictures were not inappropriate in any way, and the children looked happy. But looking at it from another angle, if you were just a suburban parent, and you went to google image and you googled your child’s name, and pictures actually came up that you were not aware of, wouldn’t it sit a little funny with you? Ok, i think i might be blowing this a little out of proportion because Israel is not my kid, and i don’t even know that he doesn’t know that his picture is online. Maybe he does. But whether i am overreacting or not it was a reminder for me as to how accessible and vulnerable these children are and just how many people have access to them!

I specifically remember having a long conversation one day with that very kid about how many of the young boys on Sudder Street have sex with foreigners for money. I remember being gutted as i was sitting there listening to that 12 year old (approximately at the time) tell me about these things, and not shying away from including himself. So seeing that picture of him online, looking about the same age as when i met him, just made me sit and think about where he might be now, nine years later. How old he must be, how hardened he might be, how much he has been subjected to, and how many people he has had contact with that have used him, exploited him and abused him for their own pleasure or purposes. This is just one example of one kid. I just thought i would share my experience with you.