Thoughts of Brown

Wow! I slept like a LOG last night!!! I was so exhausted from the combination of waking up so early and walking around all day that i barely moved the whole night! I vaguely remember some friends coming by late at night (or maybe it was early morning) and bringing me a bag a leftovers from their dinner. I have so many things running through my mind today, so many things i want to write about, but i actually think for now i will just keep it simple. Instead i will just make a list of…

Things i take for granted on a daily basis:

• STRONG coffee in the mornings
• an easily accessible toilet (most especially late at night and early in the mornings)
• being able to easily wash my clothes
• being able to eat pretty much anytime i want, not to mention the choice of food that comes with it
• good shoes
• pain pills of some sort (I went to sleep with a big headache last night)
• hot showers
• easily accessible faucet to drink water out of
• my car
• having a place to keep my “valuables” all day and not having to carry them around with me everywhere (keeping in mind that my “valuables” have also changed seeing that the most valuable thing i have with me now is my blanket)
• tooth brush
• soap
• the capacity to “buy things”
• and even this Internet connection that i am using right this second. seeing that it is prepaid i don’t even know how long it will last!

There is definitely more stuff that i take for granted on a daily basis, but those are the things that come to mind very quickly! I have about an hour and a half until Crippie is open. I am hungry and ready for breakfast! After that i am walking to the Waterfront because i actually have to perform there at the 100 hour music marathon that is starting today. That should be interesting and fun! i will be back tonight to let you know how the day went!

Well it was a LONG day!!! i don’t think have have woke up that early in a while! And i had quite a few hours to kill before breakfast at 9:00. It was great meeting up with everybody at “Crippie” (the soup kitchen in St Georges Cathedral). I had some stew and it was really good! As the day went on i walked around and visited with different people. I didn’t have any money today, and the reality of not being able to just go and buy a Coke weighed heavy on my head!! Yes, i am in addict! But fortunately i ran into Shane on the Grand Parade and he bought a 300 Ml Coke that we shared. I think the guys know i love Coke more than food! Wise Guy bought me one last night!

Anyways, i had to go to Beth Uriel for my regular Wednesday meeting with two young guys i work with. Gerald from Homestead offered to give me a lift there this morning when he popped into Crippie I was thankful because my feet are pretty sore!! i wore some old shoes and half of the sole fell out on the way from my flat to the Muizenberg train station. Now my left foot is cooked when i walk and it hurts pretty bad. I will have to see what i can do about another pair of shoes! By the end of the day i had not eaten anything and was starting to get a little light headed. I had also not had a chance to make any money so i didn’t know what i was going to do. Fortunately, the big dudes, that used to be laaities (kids) are looking after me and Stan gave me ten rand to buy some food. They are really taking care of me out here!

But it is yet again a harsh reminder of the children that come to the streets without that kind of care and protection from others. The streets are not a place for children! I have known that, but each and every minute i “live” here, i see it more and more!!!

My brother tells me life on the streets is hard. I help with it. I raise money for my brother Ryan and when he comes home we get things for the kids he works with. Like last time when he came we got some pajamas for three of the kids he works with. They wear them day and night. I put $1 every week from my allowance in a drawer and I hardly ever get to see Ryan so when he comes home, it’s a lot of money! They’re not reallly street children, they’re just kids that live on the street. I want other people to find out about their lives. People haven’t even taken the time to find out about them. People should try to understand the children. Ryan’s living on the street to get people to notice him so he can tell them. That’s what he says in all his songs at least. I love Ryan. He’s my older brother that loves me even though he’s far, far away. Be careful Ryan! Watch out for the rats!!

hi there! i’m ashley, ryan’s wife. i’m incredibly proud of what my husband is doing over these next 16 days. since he left home yesterday morning, i’ve thought of him many times. and my phones have been ringing off the hooks. i have 2 things i want to write about.
i remember when i first moved to cape town. i started working in a project with about 15 kids who had run away from home and were starting to live on the streets of muizenberg, just outside of cape town. i remember the shock and anguish i went through those first few weeks. each time i rained, i was in tears. each time it was too hot outside, i was thinking those kids would melt or die of heat. each time i laid in my nice warm bed, i thought of the hard concrete ground their little bodies laid upon. each time i indulged in a hearty meal, i thought of their stomachs filled with chips and sweets, a diet void of nutrients that a growing boy needs.
my journal was my closest friend. i spent hours dumping my thoughts, worries, concerns, obsessiveness onto those pages. i went to bed most nights in tears, totally torn up over the injustice of it all.
as i got to know the families of these kids, i realized some of the reasons why they had run away. alcoholism, drug addiction, domestic violence, poor education system–there were so few structures and “pluses” of staying at home. each kid had at least one parent on drugs. each kid had been abused, most of the sexually. i saw mom’s hit their kids, swear at their kids, throw food at their kids each time they tried going home. i started realizing that, in the kids minds, it wasn’t a toss-up decision of home or street…street life was freedom, independence, and a chance to not be hurt by those closest to you.
my constant thinking of the kids physical needs subsided and i started thinking deeper, past the outside and into the roots of their problems.

all this is to say that there is a silent anguish buried within each of them. a small child wanting love and boundaries. a confused kid who has seen too much for their age. a child among many, born to a young mother who cannot care for herself, much less a kid. i began to think so often about that silent anguish, the pain so strong and deep that life became a constant attempt to numb that pain. the rejection, the carelessness, the meaninglessness of it all.

that’s why i believe is people like ryan, gerald, lindsay…some of the writers on this blog. people who walk the daily road with these kids, who aren’t afraid of that darkness.

i urge each of you readers to reconsider your actions to those less fortunate than yourself. imagine a world where you were never hugged, loved, encouraged, touched, fed, or taught the ways of life. imagine being truly alone in the world. and the next time you see a kid in need, stop and allow yourself to be changed by his situation. be brave enough to enter the anguish he carries.

Good morning to you! As you can see i survived my first night’s sleep on the streets. I am about to go eat breakfast at the soup kitchen but wanted to come and give you a quick report back before i eat. The soup kitchen doesn’t open for another two hours anyways! We were up EARLY this morning!!! I am sleeping near next to the flower stalls on Adderley street with Wise Guy, and we had to be up before the people that sell flowers get there to set up. Wise Guy is 38 and has been on the streets for 28 years. He has ALOT of respect on the streets and knows the “routine” by now!

So, before i came here to live on the streets i had many people asked me if i was nervous or scared. I really wasn’t at all, and definitely not for the reasons people thought i should be. I think people thought i would be scared i would get robbed, or stabbed, or whatever, but that really isn’t a fear of mine. I did tell people that the only people i am concerned that might harass me are the police and securities, but so far i haven’t had any incidents with them. There is one factor that i did not even think about however! Something that i am pretty scared of!

Last night, just as “sleeping” time was approaching, i was sitting talking to some of the guys and Shawn mentioned the rats. You know, in all my time in Cape Town, i have seen MANY rats, some HUGE ones that are more the size of small dogs, but for some reason, when considering living on the streets for 16 days, the rats did not even cross my mind. Shawn said to me, “Yeah, just make sure you keep your ears covered because the rats come and bite them in the night!”. I looked around a bit and saw at least five rats scurrying around where i would be sleeping a few minutes later. That is when i realised that there is one thing i am a little scared of!! Wise Guy said the rats in Cape Town are pretty tough. When you stomp and make noise trying to scare them away they just stand up on their back legs and growl back at you! I am not a fan of rats of any kind, but most especially not gangster rats!!!

Anyways, i had a good nights sleep, with no serious confrontations with the rats, but it did remind me of yet another factor that makes the streets an unsuitable place for children! I will be back later to tell you how the day goes!

Well, even though i am sitting here in this Internet cafe, i am in fact “homeless”! I am using this prepaid account i set up last week. This morning i left my house for the streets. It was a surreal. I wasn’t expecting it to be emotional or anything, but it sure was a strange feeling to walk away from my flat, with absolutely no money, cell phone, and no changes of clothes, knowing that i would not return for 16 days. It was liberating in some ways, and strangely eerie in others. But i feel great about it. I have been in Cape Town long enough. Seen way too much! And talked until i was blue in the face about the injustice of allowing children to live on the streets. It was time to do something radical and ACT!

Funny enough, a friend of mine ate at a Chinese restaurant the night before last, and when i saw her yesterday she said, “I’ve got something for you!!!”. Then she pulled a little “fortune” out of her pocket. She had gotten it in a cookie the night before. She handed it to me and told me that it was MY fortune and was exactly what i was about to embark on. I took it from her and looked down at it, “Actions speak louder than words.” Perfect! And i hope that this “fortune” does ring true over the next 16 days! That people would HEAR and RECEIVE the message in my ACTIONS!

So today i rode the train to town. I hung out a bit with some of the people that will be documenting (filming) my street journey over the next 16 days, and showed them all of my “hang out” spots so they would be able to find me. After they left i just kind of settled in. I needed to drop some 365 Days of Activism shirts off at a friends house in an area near the top of town so i took a walk up. On my way i met Jerome, a “kid” that i haven’t hung out with in a while. I have known Jerome since he was tiny! He was one of the first kids i met in town. He is now twenty or so. He was actually the first kid i “took off the streets” way back in 2000. That didn’t last long and he ran away from the institution a few months later. Anyways, he is much bigger, and into more trouble now, but he has has an enormous amount of respect for me, and speaks to me as though he is still that young kid i once knew. He walked with me today to drop the shirts.

As we walked we talked and it was great catching up! He told me a funny story (which may not be all that “funny” to you). One night Jerome and a friend were hanging out in a certain area and saw a “white guy” approaching and decided to rob him. As they approached the guy Jerome said they could sense the fear in the guys eyes. When they got right up on the guy, before they could say or do anything, apparently, the guy said, “I know Ryan!”. Jerome said they took a step back and said, “Oh! OK.” and then they “left him”. They had a brief chat with him about how he knew me and then he went happily on his way. Now they see him all the time and greet him and he friendlily greets back. As we walked, Jerome continued to tell me stories, many of them involving crime. But he was not bragging, or showing off, he was just telling me about what was going on in his life. I noticed how calloused he is to the life he is living but at the same time i could see that respectful, sweet kid that i have always known. Unfortunately many people, especially walking around late at night, do not get to see that side of him!

It is because of “kids” like Jerome that i hope my ACTIONS echo in every corner of Cape Town and are HEARD by all. He was just an innocent kid, full of potential, with the capacity to respect and be respected, with a warm heart and a great sense of humor, but he was ALLOWED, as that small child, to go and live on the streets. Now that same child does exist somewhere deep down inside of him, but he really only makes occasional guest appearances, and the hardened “man” that the streets created will most probably rob you if he sees you. It could have been different. But we cannot change the past. That is why i hope my ACTIONS can make some difference, even if it is very small, on the “Jeromes” of the future!

It is almost time for my first night’s sleep on the streets. Talk to you tomorrow!

Here i sit. In front of my computer in my comfortable flat. Typing on my very own computer. Drinking some refreshing Coke. About to climb in my soft bed, under my warm blankets, and sleep. When i wake up tomorrow i have to leave all of this and head to the streets. I must say i am really looking forward to the next 16 days, but at the same time i am VERY aware of the very REAL realities of “street life”. So i am going to get one more good night’s sleep and i will let you know how tomorrow goes…tomorrow!

Speaking of giving, if you do, in fact, want to give money but not directly to the kids, here are some organizations that work with them. If you give to these organizations, the money will reach kids that need it, in the way that they need it!

Straatwerk- programmes including employment for Men and Women – 021 423 2464

The Homestead- programmes including food, clothing and shelter for Boys -021 461 7470

Ons Plek- programmes including food, clothing and shelter for Girls – 021 461 4829

Home of Hope– programmes and after hours Social Work for Children – 086 010 9089(emergency number)

Percey Bartley- programmes and place of safety for boys – 021 447 5722

FEEL FREE TO ADD ANY ORGANIZATIONS IN COMMENTS!!!

“We would often be ashamed of our finest actions if the world understood all the motives which produced them.” -Francois de la Rochefoucauld

I came across this quote in a book i have that is filled with famous quotes. I do not know who Francois is, or if i am supposed to know (I slept through many-a history classes), but his words rang true to me. They also reminded me of a question that i am often asked. It is probably one of the most common questions i am asked, with regards to the children i work with. People are often torn with the dilemma of whether or not to “give” to “street children”, because of the stories of the kids’ drug use, or older gangsters that send them out to beg for them, some huge crime syndicate that is using them, or aliens that abduct them and then use them to get cash (just seeing if you were still paying attention). You probably wonder what on earth Mr. Rochefoucauld’s quote has to do with that question! Well…

My answer is always complex and very simple at the same time. Many of those scenarios of where the children’s money goes to are true, well with exception to the alien one; i have yet to see that. I do know that a mass majority of kids living on the streets definitely use money, they earn in various fashions, to support their drug habits, and sometimes the habits of others. So i “simply” suggest not to give money. Then the person usually asks if it is ok to give food, along with the question if that is “enabling them to live on the streets”. Again, my “simple” answer is “yes it probably is”, but i also feel that giving food is better than giving money.

Back to the quote… the thing i see over and over again with people that ask me this question, is their different motives for wanting the answer. Some start it with, “Every time i go out and try to have a good time some little kid comes up and pesters me for money…” where others begin with something like, “I have kids of my own and it just break my heart when one of them comes up to my window at a stop light…”. Some people want to know what to do just to get the kid out of their face, while others truly do seem to care about the kids and want to help but don’t know how. Our motivations in giving should be with the best interests of the kids in mind. We should not “give” just to get someone off our back, but at the same time even when our intentions are good it is also beneficial to make sure we know what to give, and that it will in fact be helping the recipient.

With all of that said, i would say never give money. But there are many things you can give! You can give your time, energy, love, a smile, a short conversation, and just some good old fashion healthy human interaction. Many of these children are deprived of that on a daily basis. Often they actually get food, and money for that matter, but society treats them like nuisances, “vagrants”, and less then human. Giving of yourself, offering things that money cannot buy is probably the most valuable thing you can give to these kids. I know it sounds idealistic, but that is how i started 9 years ago when i first came to Cape Town, and now some of my closest “family” live on the streets of downtown Cape Town.

So… to give or not to give? GIVE! But give lasting things. A kid will get hungry again. The high of the drug bought with the money will wear off. But if you check your motivations in why you want to give, and you truly “give” with the best interests of the child in mind, i am sure your giving will not be in vain!